Charles Letterman

Forgive me, I have sinned

2008-05-07T17:44:00.002+01:00

I haven't posted on this blog for almost two months - threatening to add to the million of blogs started, but left to rot.

No excuses - it won't happen again.

Time to toughen up

2008-03-27T09:32:00.003Z

According to a report today, the UK's treatment of asylum seekers falls seriously below the standards of a civilised society. The findings state that we treat genuine asylum seekers badly, and let too many non deserving cases stay. Apparently it's a 'shameful blemish on the UK's reputation'

As far as I can see nowhere in report is there a comparison to other countries with 'civilised societies'. While there are undoubtedly many genuine asylum seekers who are grave danger if they stay in their own country, the UK doesn't have to be the first option to them. Indeed, many travel through several other 'civilised' countries to reach the UK.

Let the French, Germans, Spanish etc etc take their fair share of these unfortunate people. It is not only the tens of thousands of immigrants to the UK who think that we're a soft touch, we're also having the piss taken out of us by other EU countries who dutifully protect their taxpayers with tighter regulations.

Ashamed of our reputation? Indeed, but not for the reasons outlined in the report.

Certified madness in Liverpool

2008-03-16T10:16:00.004Z

Liverpool City Council has backed a move to slap 18 certificates on all films shown in the city which include scenes of smoking. Andy Hull, the city's head of public protection, said an adult rating on movies that depict smoking will reduce the number of young people lighting up.

Smoking is, of course, the main social problem in Liverpool. Not the gun crime, the knife crime or the drugs scene. In a week where a cyclist was pulled from her bike and stabbed to death, Liverpool City council have decided to target the completely legal pastime of smoking.

The Bourne Ultimatum, with all its violence, was given a 12A certificate. If Liverpool's officials had their way it would be given an 18 certificate, not for its violence, but for the smoking scenes.

Maybe this highlights the deep routed problems within the city, and the total ineptitude of the council to deal with the city's real challanges.

Sins of our Fathers

2008-02-13T07:43:00.006Z

The Australian government has made a formal apology for the past wrongs caused by successive governments on the indigenous Aboriginal population. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, apologised to all Aborigines for laws and policies that "inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss". But the Aborigines want more. They want money and are calling the apology a 'cut-price sorry'.

Back in 1998, in a meeting with Tony Blair, the Japanese Prime Minister Ryutaro Hashimoto offered "an expression of deep remorse and heartfelt apology to the people who suffered in the Second World War". But Britain's war veterans wanted more. They had been hoping for an apology from the entire government as well as further compensation on top of that received in 50 years ago.

Two years ago Tony Blair expressed his "deep sorrow" for Britain's role in the slave trade. But representitives of those with ancestors victimised by the slavery wanted a formal apology (which Blair ruled out) and, of course, financial compensation.

So what's the point? Most country's governments have been violent and oppressive at some time in their history. Where does the guilt stop?

In fact, all of these apologies are meaningless. The groups are obviously resigned to their martyrdom, and nothing short of a financial pay-out will really satisfy them. And no modern day leader has the right to apologise for wrongs committed by previous generations anyway, however horrific.

My suggestion is that these powerful governments concentrate on dealing with the poverty and oppression happening around the world this very minute, rather than worrying about past misdemeanours that are cemented into history, and impossible to correct.

Civilised? US?

2008-02-12T07:36:00.000Z

I am far from being a libertarian. I believe prisons should be hard places where punishment and reform are being dished out in equal measure. I believe life should mean life. However, I also believe in fair trials and that torture, in whatever form, has no place in civilised society.

At the same time as US Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff promises a fair trial for Guantanamo prisoners accused of organising the 9/11 attacks, the CIA admits torture in the Guantanamo Bay prison camp. No words of mine can express the horror of 9/11, but by committing acts of torture, the US authorities have sunk as low as the barbarians who plotted and carried out the attack on New York.

And Michael Chertoff's definition of a 'fair trial' is interesting. A conviction can be gained by a two-thirds vote, not unanimity as in a US jury trial. The jury is made up of military officers not members of the public. The 'evidence', including hearsay and some obtained by coercion, will be allowed, "if the military judge determines that the evidence would have probative value to a reasonable person".

And some evidence will be not released to the accused or his representatives if it is deemed to contain classified information. Neither is the accused protected by the Geneva conventions. Groups like Amnesty International, who would release the most fairly convicted paedophile back into the playground with a slap on the wrist and bag of sweets, are quite rightly having a field day with this blatant infringement of human rights.

Someone will be found guilty for 9/11. The US demands it, and will be extremely selective in both its morals and laws as to how that guilt and punishment is apportioned.

Grab a clucking bargain!

2008-02-06T17:29:00.000Z

Tescos have been heavily criticised for reducing the price of its whole chickens to £1.99.

Critics of this move include the National Union of Farmers, who have said that the move is "extremely ill-judged and short sighted." Apparently Tesco are "..sucking value out of the supply chain." All together now, ahhhhhh, poor farmers.

In the current financial climate Tescos should be applauded. OK, they are probably the country's biggest retail capitalists but, in February 2008, any discount on a basic food commodity will no doubt be welcomed by a majority of customers.

An RSPCA spokeswoman was quoted as saying, "The consumer has the clout to change supermarket policy and we strongly encourage shoppers to buy higher welfare chicken and not be tempted by the discount."

Indeed, supply and demand is undoubtedly a wonderful thing. But the fact is that the average consumer cares more about how they are going to feed their family on, in reality, a ever reducing budget, than whether chickens are lied to about what time of day it is. As Tescos put it, "No-one should feel guilty buying a chicken just because it is good value."

A vast majority of the population cannot afford the luxury of fair trade coffee or free range foods. For those that can, great. I hope that you and Marks & Spencer are very happy.

My PIN number is 7692

2008-01-23T10:52:00.000Z

I always used to be a great supporter of ID cards, on the basis that if you didn't do anything wrong, you wouldn't haven't anything to fear. I thought that they would go someway towards reducing crime and illegal immigration, and maybe even help restore a sense of national pride.

But ID cards would mean extra storage of personal data. With sensitive data lost on a weekly basis, how can anyone be confident that personal information doesn't fall into the wrong hands? The latest missing list don't just contain the names of a few local Weight-Watchers. No, it contains the personal information of 600,000 people who had expressed an interest in joining the armed forces. Passport numbers, National Insurance numbers and bank details. A terrorist hit list.

Other data lost recently includes details of child benefit recipients. (I'm not too concerned about this one as, although the principle remains the same, I still don't understand why we should pay people money just for having kids).

Personal data is like the male reproductive organ. It's a wonderful thing, with many possibilities, but it should never be released into the hands of someone stupid.

Don't blame the parents

2008-01-17T07:27:00.000Z

Watching the interview with the widow of Gary Newlove, the father of three brutality kicked to death outside his own house, I was pleased with the sense of outrage I felt.

Our society has crumbled so much over the past few years it's easy to pass this sort of event off with a shrug, but watch the emotional statement of a grieving widow and reality hits.

Cheap booze and bad parenting is being blamed for the decline. Personally I like cheap booze. I enjoy it fairly responsibly and it doesn't result in the need to go out and commit criminal damage and act violently. Increasing the age of legal purchase of alcohol to 21 would be a better idea than increasing the price.

As for poor parenting I know from bitter experience that a teenager will do whatever he wants to do. Instilling core social values into your children as they grow up is essential - but once they reach their formative teenage years hormones, peer pressure and the need to socialise take over, and there's not much you can do about it. Try telling a 16 year old towering above you that he can't go out.

But once a delinquent kid turns 18 there is a simple solution. Sever the umbilical cord and throw them out. Remove the comforts of a bed, a fully stocked refrigerator and hot and cold running water. It's harsh. It goes against all parental instincts, but for some it could give them enough of a shock to make them look at themselves and grow up. And hopefully it would go someway to shutting up the 'I blame the parents' brigade, who know nothing about the social pressures of 2008.

Scary across the Mersey

2008-01-12T12:58:00.000Z

So Liverpool begins its year of being 'European City of Culture'. It's an easy target for critics, the endless tyre theft jokes and the 'self-pity city' jibes.

But Liverpool asks for it. Their fantastic sense of humour apparently comes from having it tough in the war. Ask Cilla Black or Stan Boardman. No other city experienced hardship during the war.

The arrogance of the people, believing that coming from Liverpool makes them special, is obvious in every interview. They claim to have a community spirit second to none. The same community spirit that created the wall of silence when the police were trying to catch the killer of 11 year old Ryhs Jones last year.

And it's catching. Soccer manager Sam Allardyce was sacked as Newcastle manager last week. Various people, from ex-pros to the men on the street, have said that his failure was due to not understanding Newcastle culture. So, it was more important for Sam to understand a grown man drinking 10 pints of strong lager, removing his shirt and throwing up over his girlfriend (I've seen it happen), than to be a knowledgeable and experienced football manager?

Two more men were shot last night in Liverpool, but I'm sure that the gunman can't be blamed. He obviously did it as a reaction to his terrible wartime experiences.

Didn't mean it really......

2008-01-03T13:36:00.000Z

Former MP Matthew Parris caused outrage in his Times column last week by suggesting that cyclists should be beheaded. Under a headline reading "What's smug and deserves to be decapitated?", he wrote "A festive custom we could do worse than foster would be stringing piano wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists". He commented that cyclists have "brutish disregard for all other road users".

After cyclist organisations had complained he later printed an apology, saying that he meant it humorously, but had made a misjudgement.

I too find it outrageous. Outrageous that he has decided to apologise for offending the obviously frail sensibilities of this arrogant bunch. There's a sort of sense of self fulfilling prophecy about the number of complaints received from this unsocial group, and I find it disgusting that Parris has backed down over an article which was so obviously designed to be humorous.

What's the point of The Times giving column inches to someone who runs for cover when one of the most basic of journalistic duties is challenged - that of creating outrage through humour.

Suicide is Gainless

2007-12-29T15:22:00.000Z

I hope Benazir Bhutto enjoyed life. I hope that she had plenty of private vices, and overindulged whenever possible. I hope that her riches, gained through fair means or foul, were used for her own pleasure, with no regard for her future health.

I wish this for her as she was obviously never going to live until old age. Her determination to be a martyr was clear for all to see, an ambition she finally realised last Thursday at the hands of either al-Qaeda or a more sinister assassin.

She must have known that her frequent public appearances were inviting attempts on her life, and that the odds against her survival were diminishing with every rally. Brave or stupid, or both? Brave to face the gunmen and bombers maybe. But otherwise stupid. Really stupid.

Stupid to believe that her martyrdom would help the country and people that she constantly proclaimed to love. Stupid to believe that the democratic cause would be furthered by her death. To die for a cause may be noble, but in Bhutto's case it was a selfish act - an act from which no one will benefit.

Poslcrniroectsticeal - political correctness gone mad

2007-12-18T12:44:00.000Z

The best Christmas record ever made has been censored by Radio 1. [NOTE: THIS DECISION WAS EVENTUALLY REVERSED] The Pogues and Kirsty McCall's 'Fairytale of New York' has had the lines "you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot" and "Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last" censored by the station.

Apparently they are ".....playing an edited version because some members of the audience might find it offensive."

As anyone who has listened to Radio 1 recently will know, the record's content is mild compared with some of the offensive crap broadcast by this once fine station. Never mind editing the vernaculars, what about editing Vernon Kay? Forget the lack of Christmas spirit, can we have the lack of Chris Moyles? Endless drivel punctuated by the latest shite track from a bands who the presenters have met in a pub the previous night.

And if you really want to be offended, listen to the X Factor single sung by that talentless Scottish weed. Pure dirge.

Drive faster - miss a cat

2007-12-13T12:40:00.001Z

A letter appearing in the local village magazine hit out at motorists who sped through the village High Street and were 'no doubt' responsible for the death of their beloved pet.

As far as I could ascertain no-one knew how fast the vehicle was going when it hit the poor animal, so it could have been murderous Mrs Jeeves going to do her weekly shop at Spar in her Morris Minor, travelling at her usual 29.5 MPH. You could argue that if the vehicle was going faster, the cat may have run out after it had gone and not been hit at all.

Anyway, apart from the letters to the local press, the grieving owner erected signs by the scene of crime, one with the message 'Did you kill my cat?'. Reading the sign caused me to swerve and flatten Cuddles from number 29, irony in every sense.

'Domestic' cats are responsible for over 25 million bird deaths every year, and are the major contributor to the decline in species such as the Tree Sparrow. And they are not a naturally 'domestic' animal, so if killing birds is 'survival of the fittest', so is the result of the cat versus car fight.

Maybe we'll see a sparrow perched on top of a cat bowl with a placard reading 'Did you kill my family?'.

Call me apathetic? Bovered?

2007-12-13T11:50:00.000Z

The Lisbon Treaty is signed today which will 'bring Europe out of a rut' according to one French MP. Speak for yourself, monsieur. Apparently the UK has opt-outs over a few major issues including immigration, asylum and bendy bananas, so we're alright Jacques.

Anyway, the question of a referendum has sprung up again, with many opposition MPs saying that the signing should have been put to a national vote. I'm afraid they are wrong. In a country where less than 60% turnout for a general election, the chances of getting any representative views from the British public are slim (unlike the British public).

Tracey and Dave from Colchester would be far too apathetic and, let's face it, thick, to worry. Inclusion of a shell suit ban and the trebling of import taxes on burberry may raise some interest, but it's unlikely. No, let those democratically elected make this type of decision. Even if a vast majority of the country didn't actually vote for them.

Black and White

2007-12-03T17:45:00.000Z

I heard Trevor Phillips speak recently on the subject of diversity. Mr Phillips is the chairman of the new Equality and Human Rights Commission, and is of the opinion that discrimination is acceptable in the UK in 2007, indeed that it should be encouraged.

He was, of course, talking about positive discrimination, which isn't discrimination at all apparently. No, it's a justifiable method of ensuring diversity in some professions. So the chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission wants organisations to recruit staff not just based on a candidate's ability, but on the basis of colour and race.

On a similar note, the much over-rated Oxford Union held a debate last week on the subject of free speech. To obtain much needed publicity they invited two 'controversial figures' - Nick Griffin from the British National Party, and 'Historian' David Irving, a man convicted of Holocaust denial.

Amazingly to my mind, there were violent protests against the event. The protesters ranged from Holocaust survivors, National Union of Students members, MPs, and members of Unite against Fascism. They didn't think that these two figures should be given a platform to spout their views.

Surely you are either in favour of free speech and democracy or you're not. Equally you are in favour of equal rights, or against.

Picking and choosing when to apply your ideals is the privilege of those who are arrogant enough to think that they have the moral high ground, and makes them just as open to criticism as those who obviously do not.

Donategate - Nice 'n' Sleazy does it

2007-11-30T07:52:00.000Z

Well done Gordon Brown for putting the sleaze back in British politics.

Whatever your views on the Tories, they did sleaze well. Archer, Hamilton, Norris, and Major himself made politics more interesting for the likes of me, an apolitical thirty-something with few intellectual demands.

But now we have Donategate. It's a fascinating story of love, sex and betrayal and......No, of course, it's not. It's a story of a businessman, David Abrahams, donating more money to the Labour party than he's willing to admit.

And of course 'businessman' is the key word. He didn't give this money to Gordon because he felt he's been looking a bit under the weather recently. Or as a reward for the fantastic way the country has been run in the last 10 years, and the many benefits the UK's businesses have derived from Labour rule.

No. Apparently Abrahams is after planning permission for a business park in County Durham. The police have been called and have started to investigate.

In the great scheme of things I suppose it's not a great bit of sleaze - but I'm optimistic that police investigations will reveal a more sordid slant to the story. One that includes Harriet Harman, Christopher Biggins, a tub of candy floss, a cactus and a mountain goat.

I live in hope.

School's out

2007-11-29T19:28:00.001Z

During my schooldays there were a couple of occasions when, to get out of a particularly dismal afternoon of lessons, we'd set the fire alarm off. You could get a way with it a couple of times a term, and it relied on no holier-than-thou swot snitching on you. It was well worth the risk to avoid double French.

So I have a certain admiration for little Muhammad sitting in a Sudanese classroom, bored to tears by some fat white woman leading a "ah, ber, ker, der..." chant for days on end. I'm sure he looked round for a fire alarm, but in the end settled for something far more subtle.

"Miss, I think that we should name the bear 'Muhammad'". A knowing glance round to all his classmates, and all that was required was to decide who was going to run home and spill the beans to Mum. No school until 2008, and a maybe even a chance to go to a lashing rather than the usual boring panto.

BBC News item:
A British schoolteacher has been arrested in Sudan accused of insulting Islam's Prophet, after she allowed her pupils to name a teddy bear Muhammad.

Colleagues of Gillian Gibbons, 54, from Liverpool, said she made an "innocent mistake" by letting the six and seven-year-olds choose the name.

Ms Gibbons was arrested after several parents made complaints.

The BBC has learned the charge could lead to six months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine.